Breaking Off the Engagement

Romance isn't always enough to keep two people together, and it occasionally happens that one person in a couple decides that marriage is not right for them. Some of these individuals go through with the wedding anyway because they simply cannot figure out a way to break off an engagement gracefully and tactfully. No, it isn't easy -- there are always going to be hurt feelings to contend with -- but you can take steps to cushion the blow if you are the party who wants out.

A broken engagement is always embarrassing for both the man and the woman involved, no matter who called off the wedding. Friends and relatives, if they are truly well-bred, will not ask questions or demand explanations. Unfortunately, few people are actually that well-bred. If you have broken off your engagement and you are still on speaking terms with your ex-intended, decide together what you will tell people before you announce your split to the world.

Now, what about vendors and guests? It's the MOB's job (if the former bride's parents were hosting the event) to send cards to each guest informing them that the engagement has been broken. These cards might read thusly:

Mr. and Mrs. Arthur Bettencourt beg to recall the
invitations issued for the marriage of their
daughter, Aimee Lynn, and Mr. Jack Bauer,
on Sunday, March the third.

If you have already paid vendors a deposit or signed a contract, you may be obligated to pay for some or even all of the canceled services. Most deposits are listed as non-refundable, though if the wedding was to be in a year or mores time, you might be able to negotiate a smaller sum. Don't be afraid to ask -- the worst a vendor can say is no, and then you're no worse off than before.

If your ex-intended gave you an engagement ring or engagement gift, you must return it unless they insist yo keep it. If you have already received shower gifts or wedding gifts, you are obligated to return them along with a brief note explaining that the wedding is not to take place. It is still necessary to thank the donor warmly as if nothing had happened.

Remember that breaking off an engagement will never be pleasant, but it is infinitely better to go through the ordeal than to face a marriage which is certain to end in disaster. It takes a great deal of courage to face the situation bravely and to go through it without a sacrifice of dignity. One thing we must remember: Don't be afraid of what people will say. It is not their happiness which is at stake.


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