Ideally, wedding vows should come from the heart, but sometimes the heart gets a little writer's block and the writer needs a little help. Many people are happy to use the traditional vows that have been handed down for generations in religious institutions, communities, and cultures, though some brides- and grooms-to-be opt to write their own vows or add personal vows to the standard script.Some feel that the standard vows used by their church or in their synagogue just do not encompass the feelings that they wish to convey, while others want to distance themselves from the words that the culture they have left behind associate with marriage. If this sounds like you -- and you may have many different reasons for wanting to write your own wedding vows -- there are some tips below that will jump start your creative brain.
NOTE: Some religious institutions do not allow personal vows and some states require that you say certain words at some point during the ceremony for it to be legal. Traditional Catholic wedding ceremonies usually require you to recite all or at least a portion of the old traditional vows. Check with your priest, rabbi, cantor, father, religious leader, or other officiate to be sure that writing your own vows is a-ok. Then be prepared to have the wedding officiate read through your vows, as some will want to do this before giving you the go ahead.
Who Writes What
You and your intended may not both feel comfortable writing your own individual vows. If this is the case, one of you can recite personalized vows while the other recites standard vows. Or you may choose to write your vows as a couple. Remember that there is an intimacy inherent in writing your vows alone and not revealing them until the day of the wedding.
Things you will want to consider including in your vows:
- Humor: Don't use too much. A little goes a long way.
- Sincerity: Tell your spouse what you love about them.
- Poetry: Quotes from romantic people can spice up your vows.
- Touching: Don't be afraid to express your feelings in front of a crowd.
- Seriousness: Remember you're not trying to impress anyone with your wit.
- A vision of the future: What will your shared life look like?
Creating an Outline
You may want to keep your structure similar or not. One person's vows may be longer than the others, and that's fine. Drafting an outline before writing your vows helps you clarify your vision and makes writing your vows that much easier.
Your outline may look like this:
- What attracted you to your fiancé?
- Who you were before you met your fiancé
- Why you are perfect for each other
- How you have changed for the better
- What you see for you, as a couple, in the future
- Why you will always be true
- Something meaningful that happened when you met
- How your fiancé helped you to achieve a love this powerful
- How you will still be happy 40 years from now
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